The last three years have been a whirlwind of learning to fully trust the Lord. My husband and I dealt with infertility for two years. We needed my husband to get a new job so we could have affordable health insurance in order to see a fertility specialist and get answers. Nine months after applying to every job, he could he got an amazing job (Praise God!).Then we got pregnant in August of 2019. (Yay!) But while I can sit here and tell the beauty in the waiting I can also tell you the unknown was agony. I have never wrested more with my flesh. I spent many days surrendering to turn around hours (sometimes minutes… oops) later to yell at Him in frustration and hurt for not seeing an ounce of breakthrough…
You see, I thought I trusted the Lord fully until I was thrust into the unknown. The unknown of why every door for a new job would fling open then slam shut in our faces just as our hope would rise. The unknown of sitting with a heating pad over my empty womb every month as tears streamed down my face even though everything in my body was ‘working perfectly’. In these last few years when I stepped into an unknown place my fear would soar and my trust would diminish.
I’d say I trusted God fully, but then a prayer wouldn’t get answered or when I wouldn’t know where on God’s green earth He was leading Nathan and I, I would allow fear and pain to take root rather than trust.
One day as Nathan and I were waiting for him to get a new job and the months of negative pregnancy tests were more than I could count I was praying in my car. I told God I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me, but within the same breath something hit me. If I’m held in the Father’s hands, even if the rug gets pulled out from underneath me, I’m still held.
I realized even though I have no idea where my life was going I was safe and protected.
When you get that concept, trusting God is so much easier. You may be walking in a season that is the darkest you’ve ever encountered, but rest assured because you are walking with Light. Darkness can’t stay if He is there with you.
The unknown isn’t scary when you are walking with the One who is all knowing. And trusting the One who knows everything from the beginning of your life to the end of it is simple when you remember that He wrote your story.
So allow trust to rise up in you today and remember you are held.